Hello, lovely ladies. I am Charlotte, an empowerment coach for women. Today, we are going to discuss the negative effects of relying on self-validation and ways we can learn to validate ourselves.
From a young age, we rely on external validation to determine if we are doing well. We look to our parents to congratulate us and say “well done” or “good job” after we do something well. We seek their praise when sharing our creations and for our school grades. This is all normal and necessary. It helps us learn to work with others and collaborate in adulthood. However, the problem arises when we rely solely on external validation to measure success and ignore our internal voice.
The Downside of Solely Relying on External Validation
When we rely solely on external validation, we can stop doing many things. We might hold back from expressing our true selves out of fear of what others might think. We might change our thoughts or beliefs based on how others feel rather than what we feel. We might stop ourselves from creating in a way that feels true to who we are.
Social media doesn’t help. We get an instant high if we see a ‘like’ on something we have posted and a dip in our mood and confidence if nobody likes it. In a way, social media is intensifying our need for external validation.
The Impact of Over-Reliance on External Validation
The more we rely on external validation throughout our lives, the more we feel disconnected from ourselves, unfulfilled, and unhappy. Relying solely on others for approval can bring us down and limit our potential. However, when we start to reduce this reliance, we experience a sense of relief and freedom. Always turning to others to make us feel suitable needs to be more helpful and healthy.
How to Get Better at Self-Validating
We can get better at self-validating. Like how we reframe negative thoughts, we can also strengthen the skill of turning inward instead of looking outside ourselves. Here are some steps you can take:
1. Practice Self-Love
When we look externally for validation, we often need to be sure we are enough. We need others to tell us what we are doing is okay or accepted. Working on our relationship with ourselves is the first step to improving self-validating.
Imagine you’re talking to a loved one. You would never tell them they aren’t good enough as they are. Treat yourself with the same kindness and understanding to improve your relationship with yourself, and stop looking externally for validation.
2. Look at Your Progress
Take time to reflect on past achievements. We often focus on the future or where we are lacking in life. But when we stop to note all the small achievements, we realise we are doing much better than we think. Look at how far you have come. Take note of what you have learned and how much you have grown.
3. Accept Your Feelings Without Judgment
Negative feelings can scare us and make us doubt ourselves, leading us to seek external reassurance. Understand that negative emotions are completely normal and part of being human. When we accept all feelings and realise they come and go, we can move through them without relying on others for validation.
4. Use Your Values as a Guide
Instead of looking for external approval, turn to your values. Does your action, decision, or behaviour align with your core values? Does it feel authentic to what you believe? If it does, then you know you are doing the right thing.
5. Recognise Your Strengths
We all have natural strengths, but we often overlook them. Take time to discover your character strengths. Write them down and remind yourself of them frequently. This will help you feel more confident and valuable.
6. Reframe Negative Thoughts
Negative thoughts or our inner critic can cause havoc in our minds. Practice changing negative thoughts into more positive and productive ones. The more you practice, the better you get at self-validating.
7. Take a Social Media Break
Social media can make us overly dependent on likes and comments for validation. Taking a break can help you reconnect with what truly matters—your relationships, surroundings, and yourself.
8. Become More Self-Aware
Developing self-awareness is a pivotal step in reducing our reliance on external validation. Often, we don’t get validation from others because we’re uncertain about our own worth. Just as it takes me to understand another person, discovering our authentic selves is a continuous journey. The more we comprehend our true nature, the less we need others to affirm our worth.
9. Celebrate Small Wins
Recognising and celebrating our small achievements is a powerful tool for boosting self-confidence. Every step forward, no matter how small, is progress. By celebrating these wins, we can enhance our self-worth and see our value without relying on external validation.
10. Practice Mindfulness and Meditation
Mindfulness and meditation can help you stay present and connected with your inner self. Regular practice can improve your self-awareness and reduce the need for external validation by helping you find peace and acceptance. This practice allows you to embrace yourself fully, without the need for external validation, fostering a deep sense of self-acceptance.
How an Empowerment Coach Can Help
As an empowerment coach, I play a crucial role in guiding you through the journey of building self-validation and self-worth. Here’s how my expertise can assist you:
- Personalised Guidance: I can help you understand the root causes of your need for external validation and develop strategies to address them.
- Support and Encouragement: Having someone to listen to and validate your experiences can be incredibly comforting and motivating.
- Goal Setting and Achievement: Together, we can set personal goals and create a plan to achieve them, empowering you to have control of your life.
- Confidence Building: I can assist your self-esteem and confidence, helping you feel more visible and valued.
- Practical Strategies: I provide valuable tools and techniques to help you connect meaningfully with your true self and others.
Learning to validate yourself is a journey that requires patience and practice, but it’s worth it. By looking forward and trusting your voice, you can reduce the need for external validation and start feeling more connected to your true self. This process empowers you to take control of your self-worth and not rely on others for validation. Remember, you are enough just as you are.
I invite you to join our community of empowered women. Stay connected for updates on empowering content and our upcoming online membership. Together, we’ll support each other in our journeys of growth and self-discovery.
Empowerment coaching is more than just a service; it’s a partnership. I’m committed to walking this path with you, helping you navigate the challenges and celebrate the victories. Together, we’ll uncover the full potential of your power and beauty. Join me, and let’s make your journey one of transformation and success.
Much love,
Charlotte
